Lez Say More Podcast
Welcome to Lez Say More: the podcast where your favorite duo of best friends—together for over 20 years—gets real about the queer community. Join us every Wednesday as we dive into everything from health and wellness, to fashion, relationships, sex - and even the occasional celebrity gossip. With our trademark humor and brutal honesty, we’re here to share stories, laughs, and insights about the (queer) modern life and all the fabulousness it has to offer. Whether you're part of the community or just curious, grab your favorite drink and join the conversation—because we promise to keep it funny, relatable, and absolutely unfiltered!
Lez Say More Podcast
Closeted Girlfriends and Reformed Cheaters
Have you ever found yourself trapped in the intricate web of lies that comes with juggling multiple relationships? In this episode of the Lez Say More podcast, we unravel personal tales of infidelity and the emotional chaos that ensues when secrets are revealed. We explore the devastating impact on trust and self-worth, and share the hard-earned lessons about honesty and transparency in relationships. From the rebellious thrill of deceit to the inevitable confrontation, we lay bare our experiences and what they've taught us about the complex dynamics of fidelity.
Cheating isn't just black and white—it's a spectrum of emotional and physical betrayals. We dive into what happens when a partner strays, weighing factors that influence the decision to stay together. Is emotional infidelity more damaging than physical indiscretions? Join us as we dissect these questions, ponder the psychological fallout of cheating, and consider open relationships as a potential alternative for those seeking multiple connections. The pursuit of someone desired by others and its impact on self-esteem is also on the table, as we discuss how these dynamics shape our choices and perceptions of self-worth.
For those navigating closeted relationships, the struggle is real and often fraught with fear of societal and familial rejection. We reflect on the emotional challenges of loving someone afraid to openly embrace their identity, sharing insights from our own experiences. Additionally, we critique the portrayal of lesbian relationships in media, the complex allure of dating newly out or straight women, and the varied ways individuals monetize their content online. As we wrap up, we consider the value of bringing experts like sex and relationship therapists onto the podcast to enrich our discussions, offering listeners deeper insight and advice.
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You are the expert here. No, I'm not an expert.
Speaker 2:I'm not subscribed to anything you know. You know more than I do. I'm not even subscribed to.
Speaker 1:I don't even get it right, Is it OnlyFans or FansOnly OnlyFans?
Speaker 2:OnlyFans. I think you did it wrong. I gave new meaning to like work, wife and stuff. Oh yeah, you did. I did.
Speaker 1:At one point, as fucked up as this sounds, I was in three relationships at once. What? How the hell do you juggle three? I can't even juggle one. Hey guys, Welcome to the let's Say More podcast. I am one of your hosts, Solange, and this is.
Speaker 2:Ava. Your other host your other host.
Speaker 1:Today, we are going to be talking about cheating your other host Today we are going to be talking about cheating. We're also going to be talking a little bit about our cheating stories. Also a little bit about dating women who are closeted and how that affects the relationship, since some of us have some experience in that.
Speaker 2:Some of us, I guess Some of us.
Speaker 1:Some of us Some of us, half of us, some of us have some experience in that. Some of us, I guess Some of us, some of us, some of us, half of us, half of us, all right, so we're going to start to kick this off by. I'm going to ask you, boo, have you ever cheated?
Speaker 2:Oh my goodness. Yes, unfortunately I have cheated, not a lot, but I think the way I cheated was a little bit fucked up. Oh shit, tell us more. So I was in a very long relationship. I was a secret and so at first I didn't think about cheating. I was in love and all the butterflies and all that stuff was happening.
Speaker 2:And one of the times we broke up I don't really remember why I think she wasn't ready to come out to her family and we broke up, got back together. During one of these times she had said she was going to tell her family about us and she didn't. So I rebelled and I started cheating on her and I would tell her that I was going to hang out with a certain friend from work and I was going to go see this girl and hang out with this girl and stuff. And I did that quite a few times, and how I didn't get caught sooner, I'm surprised. It went on for a long time. It was at one point as fucked up as this sounds. I was in three relationships at once.
Speaker 1:What? How the hell, do you juggle three? I can't even juggle one. How do you juggle three? Relationships all at once.
Speaker 2:I don't know how I did it. Now that I look back on it, I really don't know how I did it, but like it happened, it happened and it went on for a long time. I got caught with one of them because I had an Android phone and I didn't have a passcode and we were going to the Lil Wayne concert and the second person was a big Lil Wayne fan and my stupid ass was like oh, I'll get you a shirt. And so the main girl was like, hold on. And so she read the text we go to the concert. She doesn't say anything to me about it until the next day.
Speaker 1:She ate that. The entire concert Holy smokes.
Speaker 2:That's something I would do. Yeah, she didn't say anything to me about it. Then I got caught with the third girl. I was going to a restaurant that was close to the main girl's job and I'm walking to the restaurant and like we're like arm in arm or like my arms around her neck.
Speaker 2:One of her co-' husbands sees me and he immediately text messaged his wife. And so the main girl hits me up and she's like why are you here, why are you at this restaurant? And I like said something about like, oh, I just came to pick up food for the office. And she's like why would you come all the way over here to pick up food?
Speaker 1:Because that was like where everybody wanted to eat.
Speaker 2:The lie didn't make sense at all and I'm pretty sure she didn't believe me. Well, needless to say, she kicked me out of the house. Of course, I never stopped seeing one of the girls, not that I never. I didn't stop seeing one of the girls until I think, maybe like six months later, and it was all out of like being rebellious, like well, you don't want to come out to your family, so, like you're not going to claim me.
Speaker 1:So, like you, you cheated on her intentionally with that mindset of you don't want to be out, you don't want to make me public, so fuck you. I'm going to go and, like, be with other girls who do want to be with me and see how that affects you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so yes, it's fucked up. Like I get it. It's fucked up and it's nothing that I ever would want to wish upon anyone else. I apologize for it numerous times. We did get back together and we stayed together three years after that and when she took me back, I made a promise to myself that like I was never going to do that to anyone again because it was fucked up. You know, seeing what that does to someone, seeing how fucked up you are as a person, and all the lies you had to keep up because you had to remember where you said you a person, and all the lies you had to keep up because you had to remember where you said you were going and with who.
Speaker 1:Also, you got to remember, like what you told that person and then what you told, and when there's three people involved, holy shit that's a lot of lies.
Speaker 2:It's a lot of lies and I got my karma. My karma, I believe, and I got my karma. My karma, I believe, is that one relationship that I told you last week that I hated, the relationship. I regretted that should never have happened. I think that was my karma because of everything I went through in that relationship. But I did apologize to my ex. You know, even after we broke up, she did forgive me. She told me. You know, even after we broke up, she did forgive me. She told me, you know, she forgives me. It doesn't justify what I did Like. There's no justification for it yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2:For doing that, but that was my reasoning. So I was really big on a really big cheater. Just some of the lies that I would say like that. I was going here, like what, tell me, I like that. I was going here, like what, tell me? I told one of the girls that I didn't have social media, that I was anti-social media. Keep in mind, at that point I was doing the sneaker stuff, so I was pretty popular with it.
Speaker 2:But yeah, I told her I didn't have social media. I also told her I lived alone.
Speaker 1:No, I lived with my older sister, who didn't like people around, so she couldn't come over. The older sister was a girlfriend.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh Jesus, and I like it's like, when you think about it now, like I, I don't think I was a good liar, so how I got through with these girls, yeah these lies, I'm like what the fuck?
Speaker 2:like I would have been. Like you're lying like let me see where you live, but yeah, that, like that. And then lying to the let me see where you live, but yeah, like that. And then lying to the girl, like telling her that I was going out and it would be like seven o'clock at night and I would come home like at midnight. There is one time she checked my bank account and she saw that I was pulling money out of an ATM and like not in the city that we live in. And she was like she's not in the city that you live in. And she was like she's like where are you Right? Like why are you doing that? So like when I, in hindsight, it's just really fucked up. But like.
Speaker 1:I do, you know, I do believe in um becoming a reformed uh so so that term once a cheater, always a cheater, you don't believe, applies to you.
Speaker 2:No, I don't think it applies to me. I think that it could apply to people, like it could make people smarter on how they would cheat if they didn't believe in karma, like if they didn't promise themselves. So, like me, making a promise to myself is that important that, like, I wouldn't cheat. But I think if you don't make a promise to yourself and you just kind of get wiser on how to cheat like, put a passcode on your Android phone, maybe take cash out before you leave the city Just get smarter with how you cheat. Get smarter, you know, maybe make up a different Instagram so that they know you are on social media.
Speaker 1:So those sorts of things. Change your name Right. Change of things. Change your name Right. Change your name.
Speaker 2:Change your identity. Don't. Also, don't shit where you eat, you know like. Don't do stuff like that, which I think a lot of people do. I gave new meaning to like work, life and stuff.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, you did.
Speaker 2:I did so it wasn't just like a platonic thing. That's why I also always have my guard up, like when someone's like oh, they're just a friend, no, the fuck, they're not.
Speaker 1:No, they're not Like my spidey senses go off, yeah, but that's when, like women's intuition kicks in and then you can decipher, like is this something that I should be worried about? Is this just a friend? Is this a situation where it can get a little sticky?
Speaker 2:icky and there's more to it. Yeah, I mean definitely I think that's what can happen. But I now just question a lot more. Not in my, even in my current relationship, I think in the beginning I like there's a lot of things I didn't believe, I didn't trust at first. Like it did. I needed to like gain that security and it's interesting that it comes from the person that cheated that needed to gain the security, but it's because I knew what people are capable of.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you knew how sneaky people can be because you were a sneaky one yourself. I was I was.
Speaker 2:I was a sneaky little bastard. Well then, then I want to ask you do you think it's okay to stay with someone after they've cheated on you?
Speaker 1:I do, depending on the situation. So I think that if it's somebody who cheated on you, also it depends on like relationship, if this was ongoing, if this was like somebody that you were cheating on me with for like years and I didn't know about it, or is this somebody that you just had like a fling with, or is it multiple people but you just had sex. So, like to me, there's like a lot of different reasons and a lot of different, I guess, things that make people cheat. But, in my opinion, like being with someone who is a cheater and who continuously cheats on you, I personally think that is a no no, and if you're going to stay in that relationship, then you stay in that relationship knowing that this person is going to continuously cheat on you and that you better either get something out of it, whether you're with them for financial reasons, or you're with them because you're also have the. I mean, at that point, why don't you just have an open relationship?
Speaker 1:I mean, I don't know, or a throuple or something, because if it's going to be a continuous thing, then I guess you can say that could lead into like why don't you just be in an open relationship.
Speaker 2:Maybe the excitement, the thrill of the cheating is different because, like, maybe you get like a rush out of out of being caught that, or a rush of like being with someone where they don't expect anything, but what it is like, cause one of the girls that I was seeing, she was in a relationship herself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean I definitely believe that there are people who cheat, who just cheat for sex or just cheat for the fun of like being. You know, you're out in another state or in another country and you meet this person at a nightclub and different area codes.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's right, and it's fun and you know who cares, and we're just going to have a good time, and why not? And then there's people who are like absolutely not, like that is crossing a boundary, that's crossing a line. You cannot have an emotional relationship. Yada, yada, yada.
Speaker 2:So then do you think an emotional relationship is worse than a physical one when it comes to cheating? I personally do I think that what do you think is worse?
Speaker 1:I think having an emotional relationship is worse than having just a physical, like if my partner was just fucking somebody else and it was just sex, I would be hurt and I would be upset and devastated. But I think I would be more upset and devastated if you were in love with that person.
Speaker 2:Okay, but but you wouldn't feel like if they're having sex with someone else, you wouldn't feel like what's wrong with me, Like why don't they want to do that with me?
Speaker 1:If they're having sex with that other person and having sex with me.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:No, but if they're just having sex with that other person, yes, yeah, okay. Like, is this just a me thing or is this like what's going on here? Why, like, why can't we spread the love Like together at the same time? No, not together, I mean, I don't know, maybe the other person's pretty good looking, I have no idea. But my point is like I think that I mean to me, I would feel betrayed either way, like if somebody was cheating on me emotionally or physically with somebody else. I think that if you want to be with someone else or have an open relationship, but you also still want to be with me, then we can have that. Somebody can be open, like that.
Speaker 1:It's hard for people to be open, but it's hard for people to be open like that, opposed to being with someone who just wants to cheat, doesn't want to necessarily have you find out, because to me, that's control and that's like you're a jealous person and you just want to get yours and have yours and that's it, and I'm not allowed to like go be with anybody else or do anything. But you can, yeah, that to me is that's selfish. Yes, but if you are somebody who fell in love with someone else and you cheated on me and you fell in love with someone else and your intention is to leave me, then yeah, I mean, of course, that's devastating. That's happened to me. I'm sure that's happened to a lot of people. I think that you know. At that point you're just like, okay, well, what do you do? I mean, do you fight for the?
Speaker 2:person. I think a lot of women do, and I think I've heard this from many women. The reason that they fight is because they don't want the other person to win. The other woman, the other woman, the other woman. They don't want her to win. So they'll fight, even though they know they should let that man go or let that woman go. They're like fuck you, you're not going to win, you're not winning, I'm going to win. But then when you win, what are you really winning? Because you're losing yourself. You just lost self-respect for yourself, right, right, because now that person knows, like you're not going anywhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and at what point do you walk away from the relationship when you're constantly having this like I don't know? And I do think. I do think that there is a level of desirability that happens when your partner cheats on you that, like you, I don't know, I think it's like some sort of sick psychological thing that makes you go. Oh, but I want them more now. Right, yeah, because now you know that they were cheating on you and somebody else wants them, so now you want them. I don't know if I would want my, I don't know.
Speaker 1:And, but there are people like that out there and there are people out there that think like as a cheater, if I'm not going to have them. Like they want to get caught, you know, like they want their partner to know that somebody else desires them, because they're also kind of fucked in the head. And then there are people who just are really good at, you know, keeping quiet and leaving secret living secret lives.
Speaker 2:Yes, I mean, I think that there are a lot of people like that too. I know that too, because I watch a lot of things on TV. So, yeah, people like to live in silence or they pretend like those things aren't going on. But I think as you grow older, you should have a little bit more self-respect for yourself.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, but what do you think makes people cheat?
Speaker 2:I think a few things. A becoming a rebel, like not getting what you want out of the relationship. You lose attraction for the person, but you still love them, but you're not attracted to them anymore, but you don't want to let go. Because they check all the other boxes except the attraction part, and so for you, cheating is just like sex.
Speaker 2:I think sometimes people do it to get revenge. Maybe they feel like they were cheated on so they do it. And attention I think sometimes, if they're not getting the attention at home from their partner, and even after they have said it a few times and they're still not getting the attention, they're going to be like okay, cool, like you don't want me, I'm too scared, maybe to break up with you, but I'm going to go get it, I'm going to go get it somewhere else, I'm going to go get it somewhere else and that person's going to fill up my cup for you know the day, and that's all that I really need. So I think that there's a lot of different elements with cheating, but I do think a lot of people cheat. A lot more people cheat than I think we know of.
Speaker 1:Oh, 100%, 100%. I think that monogamy is a difficult one, because I don't. I personally don't think that we are meant to be monogamous. I think that we choose to be monogamous. So I think that you either make a decision to be with one person, and that's the person you're going to be with for the rest of your life, and you both decide that you are the only partners you're going to have, or you get into a relationship with somebody and you say all right, we know that, you know at some point.
Speaker 1:We're going to want to maybe bring in some more excitement into our life, whether that's we bring in a third party, we go to a sex club, we do whatever we do. Right, like. I think that there are different kinds of relationships and people that get together, but I think as a society we've made it like taboo, yeah, and I think that's why so many people cheat, and I read a statistic that said before it used to be like the difference between men and women cheating was like a big gap, but now that gap is getting smaller and smaller and smaller.
Speaker 1:And there's just as many women that cheat than men cheat, Even though men still are a higher percentage. There is that gap that is just shrinking.
Speaker 2:I think women are better cheaters because I think women are smarter. Well, yes, we are. I think they're smart. I think men get themselves caught up too easily. I mean, look, I know men that are really good at what they do when it comes to cheating. I've actually I personally know someone that you know I know he doesn't watch this and so I will never air out his secrets but the shit that he's told me, like the way he does things, I'm impressed. I'm like wow, like that is some like next level shit, and you know so I know he's not just like the odd man out. I know there's a lot of men like that.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:But there's a lot more women that do it, that are just smarter, and I think sometimes men. Just in a heterosexual relationship they don't have that intuition that we have. So in a heterosexual relationship I think it's a little bit easier to cheat, whereas like in a lesbian relationship, I don't know if it's that easy because you feel it, yeah, but I also think that there's a lot of cheating that happens in lesbian relationships.
Speaker 1:That, yeah, and and they they tend to happen in like group front friend groups.
Speaker 1:In my opinion, that's so fuck, that's because, well, because I feel like lesbians are more of communal, I guess. Like not in that way, but, like you know, they stick to their community in the sense like they have a group of friends, they all hang out. They kind of stick to hanging out. And then you meet people right, like so-and-so, brought this person over. Hey, we're having a dinner party, bring so-and person over. Hey, we're having a dinner party, bring so-and-so over. And then people start to meet each other.
Speaker 1:Versus gay men, for example, who like to go out to nightclubs, who like to party, who like to be out and about, so they're more likely to meet some random person at a nightclub than you know. A lesbian is because once a lesbian is in a relationship, you're kind of, you're kind of stuck to like your core group of people. So at the end of the day, I feel like that's where you get more of these, like cheating and things that happen amongst each other, or not even necessarily cheating, but like you end up dating each other, like whether you cheat or you don't cheat, like you'll end up dating somebody who was in your friend group at some point. If you know, your friend group is big enough, yeah, but I do think that that is more common than dating than than women cheating with some random person or, like a lesbian being in a relationship and then having a Tinder on the side. Oh yeah, yeah, I can see that I think that is less likely than her having a relationship with some girl. That's a friend brought over.
Speaker 2:That's sticky. They should make reality shows out of those I think they have. That would be drama.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think lesbians can definitely be pretty shysty in a lot of, in a lot of scenarios.
Speaker 2:I know a few scenarios where where lesbians were really shysty not to me, not not shysty to me, but shysty to people that I've known and I know that that was some fucked up shit and I know that if I were in those positions I would probably have gone to jail a couple more times than I've already done. Well, I have a question. Yes, do you consider masturbating cheating?
Speaker 1:I do not consider masturbating cheating. And if you're referring to that as like somebody who, like we're together and you're not giving me sex but you're masturbating, I don't consider that cheating. But I do consider that fucked up. Because why? Because if you're not having sex with me but you're willing to masturbate, then obviously there is something wrong, and I personally have experience in that, because I was the one masturbating and not having sex with my partner because I wasn't attracted to my partner.
Speaker 2:But so then? How is that fucked up? Like what was your partner supposed to do. It wasn't more attractive.
Speaker 1:No, it wasn't. It wasn't my partner, but it was the fact that I just got like like I had mentioned before in a prior episode, where I would get myself into these relationships with people because I thought they were just good people and you know, but I wasn't sexually attracted to them. I mean, there's always like that little like oh, they're kind of cute, ok, kind of thing, but I wasn't like fully sexually attracted to them. And then that led to me wanting to either stray, cheat, not be interested, or do it to yourself, or do it to myself, like either I like I didn't cheat, but I obviously didn't have sex with them, so I got my pleasure through myself. Would you think about them?
Speaker 2:No, so that's a form of cheating, isn't it?
Speaker 1:I guess I mean, sometimes you don't really have to think about anybody. You can watch porn or something like that. Oh, I mean, I guess I don't. I mean I don't necessarily always think about somebody if I'm watching something but you're thinking about the person that you're watching or people, yeah, or the people that you're watching, yeah, I guess, but I don't necessarily.
Speaker 1:I don't necessarily consider that cheating. I do consider it to be messed up if you're not being honest and open as to why you're not having sex with your partner. And for that I am guilty of, because I wasn't honest with some of my partners and I just didn't really want to have sex with them because I just wasn't into them. So, okay, so we're going to go back to this, this other topic, because I'm curious to know you dated a woman who was closeted, yeah, the woman that you said that you cheated on multiple times because you felt like you weren't being appreciated or loved or whatever, because she was in the closet. So what do you think kept her in the closet?
Speaker 2:I think, the acceptance of her parents. I think that her parents were old school from two different religious backgrounds, but religious so I and I don't think that they were open to that and she didn't want to ever let them down and I think their approval meant way more to her than her approval of herself. So I think that, you know, she was just like I'm not ready to tell them because then she probably felt that they were going to love her less, probably felt that they were going to love her less. I don't know if any of that is true.
Speaker 2:Obviously I never found out, so I don't know, but I do know that that was a huge fear for her. She didn't want them to think of her different. She didn't want to be treated different. She didn't want to be banned from any of the family events that they had, and they did a lot of things as a family. She just didn't want anything to change. So her relationship with me wasn't something she was willing to risk it all for.
Speaker 1:Damn, I mean it happens. I mean I'm sure it happens way more than we think as far as, like you know, keeping people in the closet because of obviously religious reasons and family and all of that, and that's got to be really hard on the closet because of obviously religious reasons and family and all of that, and that's gotta be really hard on the partner. Because you're thinking, okay, maybe I'm, you know, you start it starts, you start to get into your head about, like you not being good enough. Yeah, I did it took me.
Speaker 2:It took me a long time to to feel like I was good enough. It it really wasn't, until I got with Fernanda, who was just so open, so open. I would go to the first family event and her family's huge, like huge, and I expected her to introduce me as a friend, like, oh, this is my friend. No, she told everyone, like this is my girlfriend, and I didn't know how to even handle that. I'm like, oh my God, what? So she's the one who kind of like got me to like get in gear, to like, no, there's nothing wrong with you, you are my girlfriend and it is what it is Like. And it was nice to feel that it does make you feel like you belong. So it's nice to feel that it does make you feel like you belong. Yeah, so it's nice. It's something that I now, that I have the feeling. I hope that feeling for everybody. I hope everyone gets that.
Speaker 1:Where do you draw the line, though? Like, at what point do you say, like would you, would you say to somebody do you give them an ultimatum? Or do you draw a line and say, hey, listen, either you know you come out or we're done, or do you give them a timeframe, or like what, like what do you think now, looking back to your experience, would you advise somebody who is with someone who is closeted, who doesn't want to necessarily come out, but it's promising that they're going to come out?
Speaker 2:I would first tell someone to find out why, like what's holding them back? Right, Because the more you understand people, either you're more patient or you're just like this isn't going to go anywhere. If it's a situation where they don't think that their family's ever going to accept it and they're not willing to risk it, you need to get out sooner rather than later, Because the longer you prolong something like this, you're hurting yourself. Do I think I wasted a decade of my life? I don't think I wasted it.
Speaker 1:It was a fun time for me, but I also do you gained a lot of things out of the relationship, regardless of whether it was out or not.
Speaker 2:Yeah, but looking back on it, I do wish that I may. I got out of it a little earlier because I did want to have children of my own and I feel like, and not with a guy, but I wanted to have children of my own and I feel like back then I could have made that happen, whether I did it on my own or had a partner I could have had it with or something Right.
Speaker 2:But I do think that that decade kind of slowed that process down for me. So I but I don't regret it, I'm just saying like, get out of it earlier. If it's a reason that maybe they give you, that's about a financial reason. Like they don't, they're working a job, they don't have enough money that they want to give you a life that they think they can give you.
Speaker 2:Like sometimes some people are more providers and they're like I want to give you all these things, I want to give you a white picket fence. I just can't do it. Yet I have a promotion coming up in a year. Give them that year right, give them that time, give them that grace like stick by their side. I think those are kind of like those shouldn't be ultimatums. But I think an ultimatum will come with family, because some, some people, their family is worth more than a relationship and that's okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think it depends on the way that you're. It depends on the way that you're, you know you're, you're, you value relationships, and also I think it depends on the person and their efforts in coming out. You know, like, is this somebody who does identify as a lesbian or a queer person or whatever, or is this somebody who is confused and doesn't necessarily, because I think in your particular situation she never was quite open to being identified as, like, a lesbian or even a bisexual person. She was very, like, not quite willing to have any label put on her. And though I'm totally fine with people not having labels, I still think that there are certain fact, like certain labels that you kind of need to accept and have, in a way, because it does contribute to your identity.
Speaker 1:So if you're not gonna say I'm bisexual or I'm pansexual, or I'm a queer or I'm a lesbian, or I'm this or I'm that, then what, like are you willing to say I'm straight? Oh, yeah, she's willing to say she's straight, okay, well then, why are you in the relationship with a woman? Right, you're not willing to acknowledge the relationship with a woman, you're not willing to acknowledge your sexuality or the fact that you are even into women, and there are some women that will say I'm not a lesbian, I'm not this, I'm not that, but I did fall in love with this one woman and I had this one relationship and that's totally fine. You can also say like I guess that at that point that you were straight and that you just fell in love with this one woman, so I guess that that also accounts for maybe like throwing my whole tangent just now out under the bus.
Speaker 2:But no, I know I get it because I do think that if, if I'm not going to admit out loud that I'm a lesbian or bisexual, if I'm into guys and I'm just going with being straight, then yeah, what am I doing with the woman? And that doesn't give the woman the security blanket that she needs, because at any moment I could be like, well, I wasn't really a lesbian, yeah Right, like I wasn't really a lesbian. So like, why did you think that we were going to go further than what it was? So I think those, but then why did you?
Speaker 1:spend 10 years of your life with me.
Speaker 2:I don't, I don't know, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Like that would be my question Like why did you spend? I don't, I don't know that her fear of being judged and being criticized under her family's eyes was much greater than her love for herself and the ability to be able to be who she truly is and be happy in the life that she wanted to have, that she conformed herself to have. The mindset of this is is wrong and I'm going to go be with a man and I'm going to go have a family with a man because that is going to be socially acceptable and that's going to be something that my family will be okay with. So that's something I'm going to do and I'm going to let this go, whether it had been with you or somebody else.
Speaker 1:Like, I think that she did it for her family and to the detriment of her own happiness, and that's just my perspective. I could be very wrong, but that's just the way I saw it and I think that that is. That is. That is the difference between somebody who is closeted for fear and stays closeted, and then somebody who is straight but just happened to have fallen in love with a man. Oh, I mean woman.
Speaker 2:Woman, but I do think that you need to always put yourself first. So if you feel like someone is with you and they're not proud to be with you, or they don't want to tell their family about you or even their friends about you, that's a red flag. You should give an ultimatum or figure out why, and then the why will tell you which route to take. But I do think you owe it to yourself to be with someone that is proud to be with you.
Speaker 1:So let's say you're single, you're not married and you're on Tinder because nowadays you know that's how you meet people. Apparently I would never. But yeah, and you went on a date with someone and they were not out.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Would you just immediately walk away?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I would. I am happy that I'm with someone that is actually into girls.
Speaker 1:And what if this person said I just came out.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Why.
Speaker 2:I don't want the rookie. I just came out, girl. I don't want that. Keep the rookie. Yeah, have someone else mold you Like I've. I don't want to. I want the one. That's an established lesbian. I've already done the fucking work. You're an established lesbian. You know what the hell you want. I don't want to teach you any like. I'm not here for that. Um, no, I'm.
Speaker 2:I don't need to teach you how to be a good lesbian. Yeah, no, I don't want that. I don't want that at all. It's actually like it doesn't intrigue me. Maybe when I was younger it was like the thrill of it right. Like Ooh, I got my. Ooh, I caught a straight one Right. Like oh, I got my, oh, I caught a straight one, right.
Speaker 1:But now no. Why do you think so many lesbians are intrigued by straight women?
Speaker 2:Because it's it's the whole thing of what like get what you don't want, kind of like kind of like how men are intrigued by lesbians. Yeah, which is really annoying, like, are you sure? Are you sure?
Speaker 1:You just didn't have the right. You haven't had this dick.
Speaker 2:Okay, all right that's a line I've never heard before oh you're so creative. Yeah, thank you, you're so original or like can I watch that's like?
Speaker 1:the biggest turn off.
Speaker 2:Like what? The first of all, if you have to ask two lesbians if you could watch, I already know like you probably don't get any play. So just like, why are you asking yeah, oh, you're being polite, like, but go turn on porn.
Speaker 1:Like, yeah, I'm not about to plus, lesbian porn is not even real I listen, I'm not a porn expert, clearly you are.
Speaker 2:I didn't know.
Speaker 1:No, I just mean like the kind of the kind of porn that you watch on, like Pornhub, right.
Speaker 2:I don't watch it.
Speaker 1:All of that kind of lesbian porn is geared towards the male gaze. It's all made for the man. It's not really made for women.
Speaker 2:Well, maybe because women don't say what they want to see on TV no, I think.
Speaker 1:Well, now, thankfully, they have made more uh uh websites and platforms where you can actually watch porn that you you know.
Speaker 2:So, like I said you are, you are the expert here no, I'm not an expert. I'm not subscribed to anything you know. You know more than I'm not even subscribed to I.
Speaker 1:I don't even get it right is Is it OnlyFans or FansOnly OnlyFans?
Speaker 2:OnlyFans. I think you did it on purpose, so no one would know. No, really.
Speaker 1:I mean, I don't. I am curious to know what's on there, though.
Speaker 2:Well, that one girl is like the biggest. She makes the most money. Bad, bad Barbie.
Speaker 1:Selling feet pics.
Speaker 2:No, this is only fans. She's only fans.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's one girl. I just saw a news, a news article that was sent to me and sent to her. It was sent to me, yeah, it said something like I think this person was like a celebrity or something Iggy Azalea I don't yeah, she's like the second, she's like she makes the second most money on only fans and she said she made more money on selling feet pics than actually albums like like making music well, a her music wasn't good, but b but I was just like what the heck? What are we?
Speaker 2:doing boo, what are we doing? I mean, you could put your feet on. I'll hit record on one of these bad boys and we can get it going.
Speaker 1:I got big feet, so I don't know if anyone's going to be, but I think people are into all kinds of things, so who knows?
Speaker 2:I heard that they're into like you can grab spaghetti.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, with your feet. I've been trying to get my sister to get on, because she keeps telling me that she's like let's do it. Which, the oldest or the second? No Tati, oh we're going to get her on it Because Tati has really nice feet, like she has really nice hands and really really nice freak feet oh so why isn't she doing it?
Speaker 1:She has really pretty feet. So does her best friend, Yoli, and I'm like you guys should like I don't know, we Like like, or the fee, like in cake or something I don't know. Like, get creative. We should do that.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm a percentage out.
Speaker 1:I keep saying this, and then she'll be like, yeah well, why aren't you shooting something? Why aren't you making content?
Speaker 2:We could start.
Speaker 1:We could start right when I get back, start taking some percentage off of that why?
Speaker 2:don't we do that? Yeah, we should do that. T in your feet. Yeah, get ready.
Speaker 1:Get ready, we're going to do some fans only and she's not going to be the only one on the. It's not fans, it's only fans.
Speaker 2:We'll have a roster of clients.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, yeah, we will. We'll start being an only fans management company. Did I say that right? Only fans management company. See, now I feel like we need to go on the app and like look, because I'm curious to know are there less? Are there lesbians?
Speaker 2:on there like thousand percent.
Speaker 1:There's probably girls making out with girls and guys are no, but not, not for, not for the male gaze, that's what you mean. Like lesbians for lesbians, like d are are there? Is there content out there that is produced by lesbians for lesbians? I'm sure there is, I just don't know'm sure there is, I just don't know. I don't know. Maybe Do you think that. Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker 2:Maybe the big time lesbians are doing it. We don't know.
Speaker 1:Why do you have to be big time? Why can't you be small time? Because OnlyFans is big time. What do you mean big time?
Speaker 2:You have to start somewhere. The revenue that the people get on OnlyFans is crazy.
Speaker 1:Okay. So let me ask you this If Fernanda said, babe, I can make some serious cash, she's already done it. She's already asked me about it being on OnlyFans. Yeah, she tried to do feet fetish, Even without feet fetish, Like, let's say it was like do you have a hard line that says yes, but only do like you can't do this?
Speaker 2:um, I do, but I am a jealous person, yeah, so like but this is all via, via, like uh, yeah but I know that, like you, have to also engage in conversations with these people. I mean, if they pay good money, right, I'm not, I'm not, I can't, I can hell.
Speaker 1:No, I would be like okay, you would, hell yeah, if they're making insane amount of money, so why don't we do that with you? And it's nobody's going to pay to see anything about me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like you running your hands through your hair.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, you're insane.
Speaker 2:Like this, like when you get out of the shower, like shaking your head, like that. I out of the shower, like shaking your head, like that I almost gave myself whiplash doing that, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they would totally like you and your hands, I don't. I don't think anyone would give a damn. I pay to pay two cents, I think, for anything that has gonna surprised on what's on, but see, that's what I'm wondering like are there other? Well, why don't you download the app after this? And no, you have to pay. I'm not gonna pay for something I'm not. Oh, you have to pay for it.
Speaker 1:See, that's what I'm wondering, Like are there other? Well, why don't you download the app after this? No, you have to pay. I'm not going to pay for something I'm not planning on keeping. Oh, you have to pay for it. I think you have to Like a subscription. I think you have to be subscribed in order. That's what I was told you have to be subscribed in order to see other people's Okay.
Speaker 2:well, if anyone out there has, an OnlyFans.
Speaker 1:It's not like.
Speaker 2:Instagram or it is like Instagram. We'll keep you anonymous. Share your username and password with us. We just want to see. We're just curious. We're just curious. So if any of you have one, it'll be anonymous, just like everything else has been. You see, we keep people's name out. We have Mildred Becky with the good hair, ff, ff, like everything is anonymous here, you know, yeah, we just want to see what's up.
Speaker 1:We just want to see what's going on.
Speaker 2:Oh man, we're going to wrap this one up. We will see you guys next week. Make sure you watch us on all the platforms YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, iHeartRadio. Rate us, subscribe to us, leave some comments for us, talk to us.
Speaker 1:We talk back, send us some questions and let us know what it is that you guys want us to talk about. We're trying to really build out our LGBTQ plus community. I really think it's important that we can get topics and get conversations going that are important to you guys, so that you guys can watch and listen and be entertained as well as, like we want to. You know, obviously, like we mentioned before, we want to have people on the podcast, so I think it would be fun if you guys can send us maybe some of your ideas of creators or people that you would like to see. Again. Let's not get crazy and say you know, have beyonce on or somebody who? We don't have that kind of pool yet, peeps.
Speaker 2:So we don't have that kind of pool yet.
Speaker 1:So you know just anybody that you think could be entertaining, whether it's an expert not necessarily someone, but maybe an expert that you guys want us to have on like a sex therapist, or you know, I don't know A relationship therapist.
Speaker 2:Although I think I'm pretty good at giving advice, I could be the therapist of the show.
Speaker 1:Go get a fans only, only fans account. That's my advice.
Speaker 2:All right, oh my goodness.
Speaker 1:Anyway, thank you so much, guys for watching. We'll catch you guys on the next one Later. Booze Bye.
