Lez Say More Podcast
Welcome to Lez Say More: the podcast where your favorite duo of best friends—together for over 20 years—gets real about the queer community. Join us every Wednesday as we dive into everything from health and wellness, to fashion, relationships, sex - and even the occasional celebrity gossip. With our trademark humor and brutal honesty, we’re here to share stories, laughs, and insights about the (queer) modern life and all the fabulousness it has to offer. Whether you're part of the community or just curious, grab your favorite drink and join the conversation—because we promise to keep it funny, relatable, and absolutely unfiltered!
Lez Say More Podcast
Bye Girl Bi! Lesbian Breakups to Breakthroughs
Ever felt blindsided by love's unpredictable twists? We've been there, and we're recounting those messy, magical moments that define our journey to self-discovery. From Solange's humorous tale of shared ex-girlfriend Mildred to Ava's reflections on youthful intuition and trust, we explore how the chaos of early relationships shapes who we are today. Revisit those cringe-worthy yet enlightening times when our sidekick phones buzzed with secrets, friendships teetered on the brink, and we learned more about ourselves than we ever imagined.
Navigating through the stormy seas of breakups, we share how personal freedom and self-identity become our anchors. Imagine a breakup so intense that a Blackberry became the focal point of escape! With gratitude, we recount the unwavering support of friends who helped us through the turbulence, and how embracing a ready-made family brought unexpected highs and lows. Experience the hilarity and heartbreak as we untangle the web of workplace romances and instant messenger breakups, proving that love’s end is just as complex as its beginning.
Every story shared in this episode invites you into the world of loving fiercely and learning deeply. We reflect on the balance between giving your all and the importance of self-reflection before jumping into something new. Join us as we laugh, cringe, and embrace the crazy, beautiful journey of love and loss, always reminding ourselves and our community of the joy found in shared experiences. Don't forget to support our adventures by rating, subscribing, and sharing the fun with your friends. Let's keep building this supportive community together!
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Or like okay, I'm free, I'm single, I'm free, but I'm going to go date other people. And then they never really give themselves a chance to kind of like process it all.
Speaker 2:Right Like break up, go to therapy, yeah. Then go out to West Hollywood, yeah. Or nightclubs or wherever your Hollywood is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know if WeHo would be the place for us to go. Girls aren't there anymore. Weho would be the place for us to go. Girls aren't there anymore. They're not there anymore. They're not there anymore. And because my ex-girlfriend at that time liked to always pop up whenever I was with someone, like just making sure. Yes, I remember this, you know.
Speaker 2:Tapping in to make sure you know, make sure you don't forget me, Right, I was sitting there watching this kind of unfold. You know, one phone would light up, then the other phone would light up, and then they weren't even hiding it.
Speaker 1:They weren't even hiding it, so you didn't even really need your intuition at that point so well, no, At that point my spidey sense came in. I mean, all the lights were flashing, All the lights were flashing hey guys, Welcome to let's Say More Podcast. I'm one of your hosts, Ava.
Speaker 2:And I'm your other host, Solange.
Speaker 1:And today we're going to talk about good, old-fashioned breakups. They're old-fashioned, I guess, because they're oldies. They're oldies, but goodies, they are goodies. Hopefully some people can relate. And if you can't relate, then maybe you'll get a kick out of how it all happened. Yeah Right, that's true, that's true, that is true, boom. So, sully, do you have a story that you would like to share about a breakup? I?
Speaker 2:do have a story I'd like to share about a breakup, the breakup I am going to share. Well, we're going to both share two breakups, so one of my breakups happens to be a shared girlfriend we had Not at the same time. Yes, yes, by shared I don't mean at this, she wasn't part of my throuple, no.
Speaker 1:I definitely wasn't.
Speaker 2:She was straight when I met her, at least that's what she told me. That's what they all say, yeah, so anyway, so this girl that I dated, we should give her a name. Yeah, we can definitely give her a name. What we should give her a name. Yeah, we can definitely give her a name. What's her name? Mildred? You gave her like the worst name Because Sorry to all the Mildreds out there.
Speaker 1:I apologize, but.
Speaker 2:Okay, so Mildred was. I was her first girlfriend and we dated on and off for two years. It was mostly off because she was a little cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs.
Speaker 1:So she was off.
Speaker 2:She was off. We dated for two years and at that time I was really good friends with this girl who played basketball at CSUN and I was, you know, kind of in that crowd and I became really kind of in that crowd and I became really really good friends with her. She and I started hanging out a lot. We would party a lot. You know, we were early 20s, so it was like partying all the time. She lived in like a frat house so we were always there. Oh, I know where the house was. Yeah, yeah, it was near Becky with the Good Hair's house. It was. Yeah, yeah, it was near Becky with the Good Hair's house. It was Very close, very close.
Speaker 1:One street over. So we played. I mean so we, we played, we all played together. No, no, no, my God, they're going to think this is some sort of orgy.
Speaker 2:This is ridiculous. No, we didn't have those, Not at this party at least.
Speaker 1:Not in our early 20s either. Not in our early 20s, I mean, I've never had one for the record, me either.
Speaker 2:Stay on track. Okay, so we became really good friends and I introduced her to Mildred because I brought her to one of the parties or something like that, I don't know. It was one of those times that we were on and she, I guess, took some interest in Mildred behind my back, which I didn't know, but at the time she was dating someone too Shady shit, yeah. So then she started to kind of pursue Mildred, I guess without me knowing, and one day we were at Mildred's house with all her roommates and I invited the friend over. We were all hanging out on the couch and I don't know if you remember this, but back in the day we used to have those like phones, like the sidekicks. Yeah, yeah, I remember.
Speaker 2:Know, a sidekick was basically like a phone that you can flip open and, um, it would, it would log into like a messenger, like an aim or whatever you want to call it. All the cool kids, all the cool kids had it. I didn't have it and mildred had one, I had one and, uh, the friend had one. So we were all sitting on the couch, we were all all chit-chatting, just shooting the shit. She came over and I started to kind of pick up this vibe that was happening in the room and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. But you know, when you get that like feeling that, something's up.
Speaker 1:A woman's intuition.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and you're like something's not right here. I don't know what it is yet, but something's not right. Something's not right here. I don't know what it is yet, but something's not right. That was happening and I was sitting there watching this kind of unfold One phone would light up, then the other phone would light up, and then oh, they weren't even hiding it.
Speaker 1:They weren't even hiding it, so you didn't even really need your intuition at that point. So well, no, at that point my spidey sense came in, kicked in.
Speaker 2:All the lights were flashing so at that point I was like, let me put my inspector gadget hat on and I remember her once like yelling out a random ass word and I thought maybe that was her password, because a roommate was asking her for something, I don't know. I I assumed it was her bag. I took a chance, okay, and I didn't know if her phone would like alert her that somebody else had logged into her aim messaging. But I just said, you know what? Fucking, I'm gonna take my chance and we'll get. We're gonna see what I can see. Yeah, so I did.
Speaker 2:I logged in and immediately I started to see messages pop up, but they were messages from our friend. It wasn't. I couldn't read what she sending, but I can read what was being sent to her, yeah, and they were totally flirting. They were totally like going back and forth and being super, you know, naughty, oh, naughty With each other, oh. And at that point I was like, okay, fuck this chick, I'm done. So I got up. I didn't say anything, though I was so pissed and in shock I think, that I didn't even know what to say. So I just got up, I grabbed my stuff and I said all right, I'm out, bye. Later and I left. You didn't like want to fight the girl. You know what? I didn't. I've never Later. And I left. You didn't like want to fight the girl. You know what I didn't.
Speaker 1:I've never been a fighter, yeah, but like that didn't get your blood going where you're like I'm about to fuck your ass up. You didn't want to do that, yeah, but.
Speaker 2:I also felt so betrayed.
Speaker 1:You were more hurt, I was more hurt than anything.
Speaker 2:So you're more like sensitive first and then anger later.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. Oh no first and then anger later. Yeah, oh no, I'm anger first. No, I cry, I, I and I cry while I'm angry, so I do that too, like a very ugly cry, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I was just like fuck this bitch. I got so pissed, I got my shit, I left and I remember I was at the gas station, I was pumping gas and I'm like standing there pissed and I get a text message from both of them actually, oh, guilt, separately, yeah, and they of course I brought it up. My, you know, they denied it. Yeah, and I didn't want to seem like this crazy one that went into her messages. Yeah. So I didn't tell her that I knew because I had like evidence, but I just basically said I'm giving you an opportunity to come clean and if you don't come clean, then that's on you, I'm done. Yeah, and she, of course, denied it, denied it, denied it, denied it. So did our friend and I was like all right, that's it, I'm done with the both of you. Good luck, sayonara. See you later.
Speaker 1:And that was the last I had was right. I mean, I just remember meeting her and she was like always crying about her.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I remember she called me one day. She randomly messaged me while I was in college. I was in class. She randomly, I got an email. It was an email. I got an email from her and she said that she broke up with her and I don't know what and to please come over. She wanted to talk to me and apologize to me and whatever because of her behavior. Of course, I stupidly went over there.
Speaker 1:Did you guys like have like a rendezvous?
Speaker 2:No, she literally laid in bed crying and I just sat next to her talking to her, consoling her, and that was kind of the end of that. And then, randomly, I got a text message from fuckface telling me that I, how dare I? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and I was kind of like, are you joking right now? First and foremost, nothing happened. And secondly, you stepped on my toes. Yeah, bitch. So that was the end of that. Like, I never spoke to her after that.
Speaker 2:I know you started dating her thereafter. I don't think you and I were really that close during that time. No, we weren't, I think, because I just didn't like her and I didn't like that. You were dating her, not because I dated her, but because I knew she wasn't. Nobody liked her. You know, like I was like she's gonna, she's gonna do her dirty. I already know. I already know how this, I know this girl's MO, like I know it. So anyway, yeah. So then that wasn't the last of this friend, though, oh, why? What do you mean? Well, that'll be my second story, but I'll tell it after you go into yours, because this is a good segue from my mess to your mess, because we're going to talk about the same Mildred. Yeah, we are.
Speaker 1:We should give the friend nickname? Yeah, we are. We should give the friend nickname? Yeah, we should. You said fuck face. I said fuck face, but maybe FF. Yeah, that's a good one. Yeah, so I was with Mildred and I was a rebound. I think I pretty much knew I was. I then ended up moving in with her. Nobody liked her, so a lot of my friends I didn't really see that often that sucked for me and the relationship started to become just like annoying. I just felt annoyed in the relationship. I don't feel like. I didn't feel like I could be myself. I had gained a lot of weight in it because all we would do is like eat out but like at home, like there wasn't like a home cooked meal. So I know I was like really unhappy with myself too. And then you had the sidekick, but I had the blackberries.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, no, then I got a blackberry.
Speaker 1:So she had a blackberry, like everyone was on BBM Messenger, right, bbm BBM. So then I at that time was talking to my ex-girlfriend. During towards the end of my relationship with Mildred, I started talking to my ex-girlfriend again and because my ex-girlfriend at that time liked to always pop up whenever I was with someone, like just making sure she yes, I remember this, you know tapping in to make sure you know Make sure you don't forget me, right.
Speaker 1:So we started conversing on BBM and I don't know if I had a password on my phone, I don't remember that, but I remember having my Blackberry on the dresser and I had gone to the restroom or something. I came back in and she was looking through my phone and she saw my messages with my ex-girlfriend. So she had figured like it's over right, like all of his interest is totally not here anymore, like it's done, and I was just tired of the relationship. Like I said, it was just controlling. I didn't like it.
Speaker 1:So I think a week went by and I was done. I was ready to move out. That morning I decided I'm moving out. So I was packing my stuff and she wasn't allowing me to leave. So I had to call a couple of my friends I think I remember this and they came over right away. We had trash bags and we were putting all my stuff in trash bags and I had my laptop and she wasn't allowing me to take the laptop and it was on the bed. She wasn't allowing me to take it. And back then because I think of my jobs and also playing basketball my arm, like I had really bad carpal tunnel and it was a certain spot that you know hurt.
Speaker 1:Well, she started hitting me in that spot so I could let go of the laptop.
Speaker 2:Like knowing that was your yeah, yeah, I didn't fucking let go.
Speaker 1:I was like I'm not letting go of this shit and I knew she was capable of like calling the cops. So of course I wasn't gonna like hit her back like I wasn't gonna do any of that, because that would have turned up like worse for me. So I got all my stuff, put it in my friend's car and I just drove to my mom's house and I that wasn't the last I I saw her, um, because we broke up, and I felt relieved. I was like good, I saw her one more time after that, I think for closure for her. I think like she just wanted to talk things through. We. Obviously we never got back together Like that was the end of it. And then she started dating a girl that I had throughout our relationship. She always was flirting with in front of me always, but anytime I brought it up I was told it was nothing, we're just friends. We're just friends. No, clearly they weren't. So then they started dating, I think for a long time or whatever. But yeah, that was a crazy ass breakup. I remember that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, thank God for my friends that showed up for me, though that got me crazy ass breakup. I remember that yeah.
Speaker 1:Thank God for my friends that like showed up for me, though that got me out of there, because I don't know what would have happened if I had to do all that on my own. She was nuts.
Speaker 2:Yeah, she was nuts, no, so then my second one was somebody that I was with on and off for, so I worked with this person. You have a lot of on and offs too.
Speaker 1:A lot of on and offs.
Speaker 2:I met her at work, okay, and she was straight. Another straight girl I was her first.
Speaker 1:Another straight telling girl, another straight. I was her first.
Speaker 2:And she and I worked together.
Speaker 2:I was again my early 20s um she had a child, she had a kid, she had a child okay, she had a child from a from a previous relationship, obviously, with a guy, uh and she, yeah, and she and I connected and it was just like a really passionate relationship, like it was definitely very, very, very much physical and we were really, really sexually attracted to each other. There was a lot of chemistry there, um, and we, we just we just liked having a good time together. And she brought her son around and I got really attached to him, like really attached to him. I remember he was I think he was like three or four years old when I met him. So I got really, really attached to him and I had never dated somebody with a child prior to that. I was always very like, kind of anti, I don't want to date somebody with a kid, because it just felt, I don't know, it felt like that child could be taken away at any time. And then you create this bond and you know it just felt messy to me.
Speaker 1:Oh, I know, boo, I know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I was always very adamant about not wanting to do that. But here I am in that situation and I get super attached to this little boy who I fall madly in love with and we become like a little trio, yeah, and our relationship is kind of up and down. So she's a little, you know, she was Latina, so she was definitely a little on the fire side yes, they are Firecracker side. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And they all know it too, and they all pride themselves in it. So I already know anyone that's like, not me. No, yes, you, yes you, yes, you you too, you too.
Speaker 2:So anyway, we were dating for a while we had it became a little messy because I was getting out of another relationship and she wanted me to be 100% in this relationship with her and I wasn't, because I was still kind of getting over the other relationship and I was going back and forth and it just became kind of toxic yeah, not even kind of it became toxic, yeah. And so she always held that against me and even thereafter, once I severed the relationship with the other person I was with, I knew that she kind of held that against me. And next thing I know we're out. We're out one night in West Hollywood, we're at the Abbey and FF is there. Oh, ff.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:FF goes up to a mutual friend of ours and she says hey, who sold these new boots? She's hot and I immediately. Red flag. I immediately Mind you, I wasn't talking to her again, like she and I were not friends. Oh, you and FF were not friends.
Speaker 1:We were not friends OK.
Speaker 2:So I looked at her and I was like, oh hell, no, here I am just trying to be civil with you in the same crowd because she was invited to this birthday that I was invited to by a mutual friend. And I immediately knew, like absolutely not, like I am not going to be friends with you and I'm definitely not bringing my girlfriends around you. So that was kind of it. Time went on, moved on, time went on, moved on.
Speaker 2:Next thing I know a good friend of ours, my childhood best friend, was working with this girlfriend of mine. They were working together at this point that FF had been coming to visit her at work and had been like had been hanging out and like checking up on her and like, I guess, dating her or whatever, and I didn't know. So I end up finding out that they've pretty much had this like ongoing relationship behind my back for a period of time. Pretty much had this like ongoing relationship behind my back for a period of time. What the fuck? Meanwhile I'm still working with her too, like she has two jobs.
Speaker 2:I'm still working with her at a restaurant and I end up breaking up with her because I'm just devastated, right, and we break up does she admit, admit?
Speaker 2:this to you at any point, yeah, and then she of course puts it on me like oh, it's your fault, it's my fault, oh, okay, and all right. Yeah, it was my fault that she was cheating on me because I kept her a secret, because I didn't want to be in a relationship with her her in from in the beginning, and so then, after all that happened, we worked together. So ff would show up at my job for what with a little kid?
Speaker 1:oh hell no to go visit her, oh, no to go eat.
Speaker 2:They would sit in a booth and the little boy would just like, look at me because he would want to say hi to me. Yeah, but it was the most devastating thing ever. Like it really, really like broke my heart into a million pieces and I knew that this girl was gonna break her heart. Yeah, like I knew that ff was gonna fuck her over and I tried to warn her, I tried to tell, tell her. Obviously it didn't, she didn't listen. But there were like times like in West Hollywood we almost got into a bar fight you and FF.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Was I there.
Speaker 2:Because this ex-girlfriend. Was I there? No, I don't think I was with you. I think I was with other friends. This is when I was hanging out with a different crowd.
Speaker 2:We were at the club and she saw me there and at that time I was kind of talking to somebody else and she didn't like it and she kept coming up to me and she was like drunk and she was trying to throw herself over me and I was like no, and then FF came by and she was like trying to, like, you know, ignore her in a way. And I just looked at her and I was like and she was like trying to, like, you know, ignore her in a way. And I just looked at her and I was like she was hanging. I'm like come get your girl. It's like, come get your girl, damn Sully, come get your girl. I like that, like get off of me, come get your girl. I like that side of Sully. I was so done. And they kept going on this whole on and off, kept going on this whole on and off. But here's the kicker she basically slid into her DMs Like she went looking for her. Oh yeah.
Speaker 1:We would have fought. We would have fought Like I don't understand. You're too nice.
Speaker 2:And I was, because I'm like sitting there thinking like how did you even get to her, right, right, and we pretty much ended up breaking up but we still worked together so I would still see her. And then at work, of course she was super flirty with me and she, you know, always kind of wanted to. We were flirty with each other. Like, I'll admit it, I was also like very much in love with her, very heartbroken, and you know I was devastated and that was one of like the worst breakups I had, because I do not do well with breakups, but I was. I mean, I dwindled down to like nothing, which is the only good thing about a breakup the how skinny we get the weight loss man. I mean I looked really good but man, I felt like shit.
Speaker 2:It's like the revenge body. Yeah, yeah, without even trying, right.
Speaker 1:Oh God, free of cost, yeah, without even trying Right. Oh God, free of cost, yeah, free of cost.
Speaker 2:Free of cost. No, no, no ozempic or zep bounding needed.
Speaker 1:Just if you're feeling overweight, just break up. Break up for like a month. Yeah, let them know you're going to. You know, do it, I'll be back. I'll be back. I just need to go through this.
Speaker 2:I just need to lose a couple pounds, bounce back body baby. Yeah, it's true. So we ended up.
Speaker 1:yeah, we ended up breaking up and that was a rough one that took me a couple years to get over. Yeah, I remember that for you. I remember, but I still would have fought FF Like we would have fought the first time.
Speaker 2:Well, we almost did.
Speaker 1:She came at me, we would have fought the first time and we would have fought the second time. When she came at me, her nose would have been broken.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know she did. We tried, and it was so stupid, like how it almost happened, that we ended up almost fighting. Thankfully, at that time I was really good friends with someone who was really well known at the clubs and so she, oh she, she knew all the bouncers, she knew everybody, so all she had to do was be like yeah, yeah, and she was out, like she was kicked out in two seconds, jesus.
Speaker 1:So I yeah, are you still friends with FF?
Speaker 2:Hell no. Fuck no, fuck, no. And the fucked up part is that, like she still tried to stay friends with my group of friends.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Like as if nothing happened.
Speaker 1:Well, some people are okay with being fucked up. People like that, Like they don't see a problem with that.
Speaker 2:No, like I was like how do you still like, like she would still reach out to me here and there, sometimes like, oh hey, I'm sorry yeah uh, no, the first time.
Speaker 2:Okay, you can apologize. Maybe if I wanted to be nice I could have been your friend again. Maybe if that was in, if that was in my personality. But the second time, and you still think I'm going to be like, okay, yeah, sure, no, you just want to know what's in my Rolodex. She wanted your little black book. She wanted my little black book because clearly we had similar tastes.
Speaker 1:Clearly I mean see, I've never done that to you.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:You didn't date them right under me.
Speaker 1:No, I didn't because I wouldn't do that to you.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm a good friend. So what's your second story? All right, so my second one is kind of fucked up, I think, on how I got broken up with, but it is what it is. So I was at work, we worked for the same company, and they had like a messenger, like instant messenger between employees that you can use, a messenger like instant messenger between employees that you can use. And one of the times this person broke up with me it was via the instant messenger while I'm working my shift. I don't remember what it said, I just remember getting like a paragraph and then I was broken up with. Was that like the final breakup? No, that wasn't. What was the final breakup? The final breakup was through email, oh my God, through email while I was working, and it was this like long email and we had just gotten back from a lake trip. Gay marriage had just passed, mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:So what year? 2015? No, no, what year? Was it Like 2013. 2013. It was May, I remember, because year was it Like 2013. 2013. It was May, I remember, because it was right before my wedding. Okay, I remember it passing, because we were all at the lake, me and my friends, and we were all so excited about it, right?
Speaker 1:Not because, oh, we were going to run out and go get married, but we were just happy to have those rights right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So then I'm thinking everything is fine. I'm not thinking any, there's any problems, because the trip went so well. You know, it was probably one of my favorite trips because it was so much fun. Like back then, like you're just, you don't have responsibilities, it's just fun, right? So I get the email and I'm like what the fuck? And I'll never forget it, it was twins day at work, oh God, and I don't. And I remember that because I had to take pictures for twins day and I was crying. So I was like I, my eyes were puffy, like I didn't want to take the pictures because breakups affect me, like it's emotional and I can't eat and that's why I lose all the weight or whatever. So then I remember we lived together. So I went home and I guess I beat her home and she's like, oh, I saw you driving and you beat me, like she tried to make light of it when she walked in the house. And she's like, oh, you beat me home and I looked over like what the fuck are you saying to me, right?
Speaker 1:now Like you're not going to acknowledge the fact that you just broke up with me. No, she went into the room, packed a bag and left and went and stayed with her uncle and after that, like she wouldn't stay at the house, she was just, you know, with her uncle or with her mom or whoever.
Speaker 2:So you guys didn't have a fight or anything. This just came out of nowhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it came out of like left field for me because I thought we were fine and she cited on the email that Reconcilable differences, that we'll get to this on another episode. But all the infidelity that happened but there's a reason for it, not that it's going to justify it but all the infidelity that she forgave me for three years prior, right, and we were together three years. After all of that, she couldn't get over it at this time and she was never going to come out and tell her family. So then I was like, well, I was a secret for so long. I didn't want to continue being a secret. So, I get, it was a favor for me. But it's just kind of fucked up to like break up with someone via email that you live with, that you're going to go home and see You're like, oh, let me do, let me break up with you, and then tell you you beat me home. What's the worst?
Speaker 2:way you ever broke up with someone.
Speaker 1:I don't really think I've broken up with people like that. I've always been the one broken up with, except with the exception of and shit, except with the. I've never been the one. I'll just bleep her name out. Yeah, yeah, Can you bleep it out? And another? There's another girl, the evil girl.
Speaker 2:Oh, I broke up with her girl, the evil girl I broke up with her so how did you break up with her In a fight?
Speaker 1:No, because she had called me and told me that she had her birthday party for her daughter and the baby daddy was there and how all these feelings came about and she was confused. So I said over the phone, I said I'm going to do you a favor, we don't need to be together. And she's like what do you mean? I said she got mad, I wouldn't fight for her. I said no, no, no, we don't need to be together.
Speaker 2:After you just told me you're confused.
Speaker 1:Right, like I'm not doing this, let me help you out. I'm not doing this. A, I'm not competing with the baby daddy. I was like we're done, yeah, yeah, but that's probably it. I don't what's the worst way you've broken up with someone.
Speaker 2:Oh, God, I've broken up with people, I think because I just didn't have the balls to break up with people, sometimes face to face, unless it was like in a fight. So did you fucking email them? Solange? No, not an email.
Speaker 1:An instant messenger?
Speaker 2:I don't think I ever broke up with anybody over email.
Speaker 1:Did you write a letter I?
Speaker 2:definitely broke up with people over text message.
Speaker 1:You are no.
Speaker 2:When we were like in the heat of the moment, fighting, and then that was it and I was like, all right, this is done, it's over. But was that like your official breakup, or were you?
Speaker 1:saying it.
Speaker 2:Some were like that was the official break, but these were like whatever dating you know? Yeah, I know you have a long list of girls that you dated no. I do not. You have a long list of breakup stories. No, I don't have a long list of breakup stories. Well, that's why we had to narrow it down to just two, I think, the ones that I've broken up with in person, which were my longer term relationships, with the exception of one of them because I wasn't in the country I.
Speaker 1:The shit that like I find out about you during these podcast sessions are interesting.
Speaker 2:But I just I don't know, like I think for me they've always been. I've always been the one broken up with too, though Like I've never really, unless it was like somebody cheated on me or you know something like that and then. But then the fucked up part is that they would still break up with me. Do you think, wow, that is damn. You know they'd still be like I cheated on you, but yeah, I'm going to go be with this person. That's fucked up, do you?
Speaker 1:think it's because we're suckers.
Speaker 2:I was definitely a sucker.
Speaker 1:I'm not a sucker anymore, but I was definitely a sucker. Mama didn't raise nope.
Speaker 2:Nope, nope, I learned my lesson Well, okay, so how did? How do you feel like your breakup shaped you?
Speaker 1:Like the worst one of them all. I don't I mean maybe to like never give somebody the opportunity to email me a breakup, but like I don't know if I could say any. It's shaped me only because I still went into relationships the same way I did before into relationships the same way I did before. So like I'm like a lover and I like love being around the person all the time. So it didn't it should have.
Speaker 1:Maybe it should have made me kind of like delay dating or delay getting too serious with someone, and I think that has been my downfall in certain relationships, that I kind of like just jumped into it too fast. It's taught me to never assume that things are that good that they can't break up with you. It's taught me to take care of home, like make sure your partner is good, because even if the breakup via email she hadn't healed from three years ago and I assume she did because we were good I maybe should have checked in more to make sure we were good. So it's taught me to kind of like also have that intuition of like wait your energy's off, like let's talk about this Like what's up?
Speaker 1:I don't want it to fester. And then you tell me you've been feeling like this for months. So, I guess I just worked through an answer for you right there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you did I did.
Speaker 1:Wow, you did. Therapy's gotten me a long way. Yeah, everyone should try it. I think so. I agree.
Speaker 2:You agree. How do you think your breakups have shaped you? I would definitely say that I have had breakups that have really really made me feel very insecure and not trust people 100%. I think that I've definitely had breakups, in particular the ones that obviously had a lot of cheating involved. Yeah, because you never know if someone is being truthful with you or not. So I definitely think that that affected the way I would get into other relationships and why I was always looking for that person that would make me feel safe, you know, and like I wasn't going to be cheated on or I wasn't in it.
Speaker 2:And in one of my worst heartbreaks, which was the one with the kid, my mom once said something to me that kind of stayed with me, which now I don't live by, but at that time I did because I was young and naive.
Speaker 2:Are you going to say it in Spanish? No, she said be with someone who loves you more than you love them, and that says a lot to her. Obviously her relationships, but also the way that I got into relationships thereafter, because it was almost like a defense mechanism and looking for somebody who I knew I wouldn't be heartbroken over later on in life. But that obviously did not pan out well either. So for me it was definitely a lesson learned, and I learned that you should just love wholeheartedly, no matter what, and love somebody whom you really truly love, who will tear you apart if they leave you or break up with you, or vice versa, because at the end of the day, what's the point of dating them if you're not going to like date wholeheartedly? Because that's when you stray, that's when you do stupid shit, that's when you get into these situations, because you're not in the right mindset going into the relationship.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think love is meant to have you feel all the emotions. And you do stupid shit when you're in love. Stupid love, stupid love. What's a good amount of time to wait in between getting into the next relationship? What do you think?
Speaker 2:I don't know that there's like a good amount of time. Maybe statistically there is, or if we had a therapist here they would tell us. But I think once you're kind of over the other person you can probably move on and be with someone. Is that something that lesbians typically do? Probably not. I think that they tend to just do what. Another thing my mom would say un clavo saca el otro, which means like one nail takes another one out. You know, like you just hop into another relationship and eventually you'll get over the one you were with. But I think that a healthy amount of time is probably until you feel ready to be in another relationship, until you're not thinking about that other person.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, I agree with you. I just don't think it's that easy for people to do. I don't think no, definitely not. I think people, when they get broken up with they, go on this journey, they self-reflect or they kind of just like, are like okay, I'm free, I'm single, I'm free, but I'm going to go date other people, and then they never really give themselves a chance to kind of like process it all.
Speaker 2:Right, like, break up, go to therapy, yeah. Then go out to West Hollywood, yeah, or nightclubs, or wherever your Hollywood is.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know if WeHo would be the place for us to go. Girls aren't there anymore.
Speaker 2:They're not there anymore. They're not there anymore. Okay, so let's talk about breaking up with women and men, because, I mean, I've only broken up with one guy and I was very young.
Speaker 1:I was 16. Oh, that was one. I broke up with him over a letter.
Speaker 2:What are you doing? I just felt so bad for him because he really liked me and I just so you said a letter would be the right way to go and I gave it to my stepbrother who worked at the theater and I was like you give this to him. And then he waited for me by my car and I tried to like hide behind the bus, shelters, the posters the movie posters.
Speaker 1:You are ridiculous it was terrible.
Speaker 2:I feel bad for him.
Speaker 1:Then I would see him in college.
Speaker 2:Oh my God, I would hide Anyway what is the difference between breaking up with a guy and a girl? Do you feel that there is a difference Because obviously you've broken up with men? I haven't, yeah, other than that one, but I don't really count it.
Speaker 1:I think that breaking up with men, it could be heartbreaking for them too. If they're like in love with you. I think if you are with a guy who's like all about you and you start to like lose interest in him or whatever the case may be, it shoots at their ego. So you know it's heartbreaking for them. Or if they're already annoyed by you, because I think men can at times easily get annoyed by certain things.
Speaker 2:You think men get annoyed by women more than women get annoyed by women.
Speaker 1:Depends. If the women are on the same cycle, then no, then no, then being annoyed is there's no comparing it. I think men get annoyed by other things, like nagging right or like if the game is on and they want to watch the game, but you want them to go to like a dinner party that they don't want to go to. I feel like that's a sporty lesbian too, though.
Speaker 2:Yeah, seeing that you are also a sporty lesbian, yeah, it is me too. I'm just saying I'll compromise, though. Let's go to dinner and have a TV, just let me watch the game. Let me watch the game, and then we'll be fine.
Speaker 1:But no, I think that if they're in love, men or women, I think it's kind of equal heartache. I think women just handle it differently because we're more emotionally driven and we're dramatic and we are theatric when it comes to things. I think men they aren't like that.
Speaker 2:I think that there are some drama. Men, really, I definitely think yeah, because I've had friends who have obviously dated guys that have been broken up with and these guys have done some crazy ass shit.
Speaker 1:Okay, I guess I've never heard stories like that or have experienced that, so I don't know.
Speaker 2:I think men can be just as psychotic as women. I think that it just all depends on how effed up that breakup is and how toxic the relationship was. I mean, I think it goes both ways. I think, like men can be just as bad as women, whether it's with another man or with an, with a woman like I don't know. I think that breakups are just like if you think about how many breakups you've had that have been good, like good breakups, I'm pretty sure it's a much smaller amount of breakups, you know than breakups that have been toxic and biotol and have ended horribly.
Speaker 1:I agree. How do you feel about being friends with your ex?
Speaker 2:You know, I personally have not, other than with Becky with the good hair, which is the only ex really that I think I've stayed friends with. I don't think I have any exes that I can think of that I have stayed friends with, and not necessarily because it's just it never ended well.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And then the ones that are fine, like it. Just, it is what it is, you know, I just I don't know. We never stayed friends. Yeah, I don't stay friends with my exes, but it is what it is, you know, I just I don't know. Just, we never stayed friends.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't stay friends with my exes.
Speaker 2:But it's a common thing in the lesbian community To stay friends with exes? I think so. Yeah, I know people who have dated each other, then broken up and then been friends for a really long time thereafter and have brought their partners into partners, into like the mix, and then now everybody's friends.
Speaker 1:I know both. I know both like that they've stayed friends and I know where they haven't stayed friends. So it's like I think it's for me. My experience has been like a mixture of that. Me personally, I just I can't stay friends with an ex, but I think it also depends on how you break up and how long that relationship was.
Speaker 2:Maybe, yeah, you know like how long were you guys together, what happened, what?
Speaker 1:was the so you gotta check the boxes.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I got a questionnaire.
Speaker 1:You would have a questionnaire.
Speaker 2:I got a questionnaire.
Speaker 1:And what if it's like all of the above?
Speaker 2:Like is this situation sticky icky? Still Like what's going on? Sticky icky, like I need answers.
Speaker 1:Do you have an ex that you regret breaking up with?
Speaker 2:Breaking up with. No, I don't regret breaking up with any ex that I ever had. I think that you're an ex for a reason and you're going to stay an ex. I'm not somebody that can like. There's like a brief window of time after we break up where there's like a possibility of getting back together. But if it doesn't happen within that window of time, I'm over it, You're done.
Speaker 1:I'm done Like I'm done.
Speaker 2:And I get the ick very easily with people like in that way like if you do something that really like icks you out, breaks me, like I get the ick and I'm just like I'm done with you, I'm done, I'm done, I'm done. Like you're fucked up, you're this, you're that. Like I'm done and I will, even though I'm devastated and heartbroken, I will stick it out. I think it's probably also just because I'm so stubborn, but I just won't. What sign are you again, dory? I just won't, I won't, I won't go back Like I can't. And also, I feel like there's like a threshold of time that goes by and then, once you cross that threshold, you just don't have the same feelings anymore. No, yeah, feelings definitely change feelings anymore. No, yeah, feelings definitely change, like the feeling has gone. You're like I've mourned that loss and now I'm good, I'm good to move on, I'm good with where things are. I mean, I'm sure there are people that I regret getting into a relationship with yeah, but definitely not anyone I regret breaking up with.
Speaker 1:That's good to know. I'm glad that you don't have any regrets, do you? No, that I broke up with, or that broke up with me?
Speaker 2:No, do you have any girlfriends that you regret ever dating?
Speaker 1:Yes, I do. It's a very specific one, just one in particular. What the fuck am I going to call her? What was I thinking? That was a what was I thinking moment, and it's no one's fault but my own. That one is that was like the worst.
Speaker 1:Was that like the worst girlfriend you ever had? Yes, it was the worst, everything I ever had, like everything. And I think the reason why I was trying so hard to make it work was because I didn't want to be alone and I during that time, my ex, had started dating and I was like, well, you can't start dating and I'm alone, so I need to start dating. And so I think I like jumped into the very first thing that gave me.
Speaker 2:Oh, so she was like a rebound.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but I? But like she shouldn't have been. I should have stayed single. She wasn't a good rebound, no, she was the worst, the worst, honestly. Every red flag you could think of was there and I just ignored it. I can't even think of a good analogy. I avoided it like the plague. Oh that's stupid. I avoided it like the plague. Oh that's stupid. I avoided it like the plague. But yeah, that was horrible. I regret that one. If I could go back in time, I would pull myself out. Who gives a fuck that?
Speaker 2:she said that you're cute and that's the thing.
Speaker 1:Stop it. Why did you?
Speaker 2:care that she thought you were cute. I think my regret would be the jailbird girlfriend. Oh yeah, that was probably one that I should have just kept skipping on. Yeah, if only we could go back. If only we can go back and, you know, look into the future and say is that really where you want to be? Yeah, A county jail visiting someone. It may 224.
Speaker 1:Was that her number? Was that her number?
Speaker 2:it probably was no, yeah, but yeah, no, yeah so that, yeah, that's, I regret it oh man. Anyway, I think we should uh ask people to send us their breakup stories, because I think they must. There should be some really good ones out there.
Speaker 1:There has to be really good ones out there. There has to be really good ones out there. I would love to hear them, yeah, and we can talk about them.
Speaker 2:We can talk about them in a later episode.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like we could revisit it and say this episode is dedicated to all the stories we got. Hopefully that means we get stories. That's true, because sometimes I think you guys are being too shy, too shy. Yeah, let us. I think you guys are being too shy Too shy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, let us know they don't want to put their dirty laundry out on the webs.
Speaker 1:Look, we'll hang them up with you know, like back in the day. I mean, people still do it, people still do it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, people, I mean I do it All right, guys. Well, I think that's. We're going to wrap it up there. Thank you so much for watching and listening. And so much for watching and listening, and please don't forget to rate us and hit that like and subscribe button if you're watching us. We really appreciate it and we'll catch you guys on the next one, and please you know, spread the word, tell your friends to watch us.
Speaker 1:You know we're kind of funny, yeah spread the word.
Speaker 2:spread the word definitely helps spread the love of the community. That's what we're trying to do here. All right, Later booze.
